Dear Grant and Julie,

I love you both. I miss you both. I know moving and life sometimes sucks (J). I know that meetings and bugs sometimes suck (G). But today has been really, really hard. Atleast, starting at 11:50. I just have one question after these photos.....

Yes, that is what you think it is. Mark greeted us from his nap with no diaper.

My one question: Does this mean that my day was shittier than your day?

Love,

Rachel

P.S. Think we might have to throw away his crib and get a new one.

Dear Stina, I love you! You always go the extra mile as a sister. Someday I'll let you get any soda and dessert to say thanks. Love, rachel

Dear Julie,

Sorry you had to be in the room as the doctor did a pelvic exam. Thanks for laughing about it with me. You are a great nanny and a better friend. Thanks too for your dog that was so nice to pet while the doctor was so mean. Pushing near surgery sites is just rude.
It was nice of the doctor to come to the house....but even nicer that you would hang out so I couldn't sue for odd behavior.
Do you think it was odd that we talked about speculums infront of him?
Well...regardless, glad that part of our day is over.
Love,
Rachel

Dear construction worker with the celtic forearm tattoo, you are CUTE! Thanks for making me smile. Love, julie

Dear week ahead, i am going to keep the intention that things will work out, everything is in place, i just need to let it play out. Patience and faith

Dear Sharky,

I am babysitting your family,
and you are outside barking at god-knows-what.

I like your curly Puggle tail and soft ears,
but for the love of all things holy,

STOP BARKING.

Love,
Julie.

(2/2) you cautiously. Julie

(1/2) Dear berries that have been sitting in my fridge, i just ate the rest of you, please dont be spoiled. I dont think i could feel sick one more day. Loving

k it.
Love, rachel

rs til I could take good medicine. I hate your stupid advice. Suc

Dear dr H, I hate you. the valium did not help. It made 3 ¡#¢ hou

Dear surgery #5, I hate you. The numbness is gone. Pain so deep it woke me from sleep. Screw you.
Love, Rachel

Dear blogger,
Why must you be down in my time of need? I despise your error messages. Suck it.
Love,
Rachel

Dear my sister annamarie, I love you. 2 hours I feel asleep to your opera from NY. I love your voice and wish I could be there now. Roses and Love, Rachel

Dear T-Mobile shadow phone, dang it! You won't send my emails anymore. Just getting the emails doesn't cut it. I want to email post a blog. I hate U. Rachel

Dear sarah full of love, I love your blackberry lemonade. Now that I am trying to eat corn and wheat free, it was the perfect post surgery treat. Love, R

Dear dr hibbert, thanks for not leaving me in such hard shape. And not killing me today. Love, Rachel

Dear nasa japanese food, you were a wonderful last meal. Sorry that we couldn't bring Julie. She could really use some miso today. Love the yam tempura :-)R

Dear redmond 1st ward, I didn't want to come today. Mark and I both fell asleep. Hope my snoring was only in my dreams. It woke me up twice. Sorry. Love,R

Dear cute falafel guy, you make the best falafel and you are attractive and from Israel. Does that falafel come with a number? Love, julie

(2/2) a bit much. Uncomfortable! Apprehensively, julie

(1/2) Dear creepy 7-11 cashier, you are at least 50. Thank you for the 'beautiful hair' comment, but the mumbling 'your so beautiful...' as i walked away was

Dear mom, I love you. Thanks for taking care of me today. I hate the reasons, but I love seeing you so much and being taken care of. Thank and love, rachel

Dear julie, I love you. Thanks for listening to the sex talk from my mom. Grant and I laughed as I told him about the day. Love you, rachel

Dear olive garden, I love you. hot breadsticks are sexy on a date. I will miss you. Love, rachel

Dear Tim,

I love you.
I always have,
and I always will.
I miss your accent the most....

Love,
Julie

Dear Harry Potter 6, I am a little disappointed, very awake,

Dear today,

suck it.....

SUCK IT!!!

I'm excited to see Harry Potter 6 though.
but still, you can suck it.
ready for tomorrow.


Love,
Julie

Dear julie, we love you. It was a crazy day, thanks for extra kindness. And grant says that the eggs at dinner were xx good...texture,flavor,moisture. Love R

Dear children,

Dear my 4 children,

I love you. I miss out on a lot. I could do better. But my eyes work. And my ears work. I love to listen to you play outside. I can tell what you are doing. It makes me so happy to see you work and play together. I love the giggles from little Mark as he plays on the swingset. I can just picture his chubby thighs running. I love that the big kids swing and swing and swing. Looks like we might need to pour some more cement to ancher it!
I know you are growing faster than I'm getting better, but I love you. Pain changes how I show you I love you, but pain doesn't change my heart.

Love,
Rachel

Dear Cake wrecks

Dear Cakewrecks,

We love you. You make us smile, laugh and cringe (but in a good way)
Like this classic cake, for the procreating nerd

And i'm glad I'm past wedding cakes, but this is a warning to Julie. Find a great baker!

Love,
Rachel

Dear Newest Pain Management Doctor,

Dear Doctor,

I hate you. You made me cry for hours yesterday. I thought the worst part about the day would be filling out the paperwork. Detailing my pain, analyzing it for the paper is like setting each pain on fire. Then I had to repeat it all for a nurse to put into a computer. Then I had to tell you again.
Then you described just how I feel.

Sitting by the side of the road in a broken car, while I watch the highway of life pass me by

(YES! Oh, I love you Doctor!)

The pain like a constant drip, drip of water. It's Constancy enough to carve out marble. And now I'm just a hollow marble shell of a person, left empty because the pain has continued, unending, for so long.

(YES YES! I LOVE YOU DOCTOR!)

I didn't want my tomb stone to stay "Died at 30, Buried at 90". If I waited for the pain to be gone to live my life, I would die waiting.

!?!?! WHAT !?!?!

Then you told me that the pain would never go away. If I chose, you could help me 49%. But I would have to give 51%. I would have to slowly get back to life, set a plan and follow it NO MATTER WHAT PAIN I'M IN. If I kept at it, you said I could push pain to the back of my head. All of this would be done without medicine. No more patches. No more nerve pills. No more narcotics. Except...except one thing I refused to try. 2 long acting meds (given just for a short time, to get me going on the program, then taken away for me to live life without them) 2 meds...one that I've tried and was so sick for the 12 hour duration. The other that is so full of negative stories, people who never get off it. Methadone.
Really doctor? REALLY? I'm stuck with this pain for the rest of my life, so live my life with the pain, and a short "training wheel" time with Methadone?


Doctor, I hate you.

I am not that strong. I can't do this without my pills and patches to get me thru the worst hours and days. No more laying around to control the pain??? WTF??? I live laying down so that I can have a life. I am not that strong. There has to be another way, another answer. I'm too young. Can't you do something more to reduce the pain?

I've cried so much, it hurts. Suck it doctor.

Love,
Rachel

Dear Cousin Morgan

Dear Morgan,

We love you. You are the first follower. That makes us feel cool. Thanks for following us. Kiss cute little Peter for us. Yes, he's getting bigger. Compared to walking Mark, he's still a little baby. We LOVE babies.

Love,
Rachel

Dear today,

you are moving too fast!

it is already 5!

I need to make dinner...pronto...

dumb jet-lag or whatever you call it....

tomorrow will be better.

I guess the coffee doesn't help.

oh well :P

Love,
Julie

Welcome Home Dear Julie!

Dear Julie,

We missed you every hour. REALLY! We are so excited, we want your first day to be nicer than normal. So the kids cleaned their rooms

(hi Julie!You can guess how bad this room looked before they cleaned up)

We tidied the living room (AKA, put all the books back on the shelf)

(

(Mark is the blur. Man, is he faster and bigger. He had a growth spurt, and over night he was even heavy to me)

We even cleaned the table from the previous 5 meals.

(Alex can't wait to have you be here! zoom in, see the big smiles!)

I've even pulled out some breakfast to celebrate.

Hmmm...butery croissants...do you eat butter now? I don't want to be the first to tempt you with it if you've been eating clean vegan on the trip.

So, Dear Julie, we love you enough to clean the house at the end of a very long week, and keep the kids up from bed to do it. While I edited, had the laptop shut down, pluged the lap top in, the started this up....the kids got ready for bed. They are in bed, but I can still hear them.

Which means another late morning. I bet we'll just be getting out of bed to great you!

All this is just our way of saying: WE LOVE YOU, WE NEED YOU STILL!!!

Love,

Rachel

Love

Mark

Love,

Alex

Love,

Katelyn

Love,

Emily

Love,

Grant

Dear July 21, I hate you. Just seeing the date makes me sick. Drinking that vile poison is the most stupid thing ever. I want to burn U. Suck it. Love-Rachel

Dear cupcakes w\ whipped frosting, I love you. YUM. Now you are all gone, b/c I'm getting chubby. But until I'm starving & cut again, I will enjoy you.Love-R

Dear yogurt cover pretzels, I love you. So so much. From TJ,s tangy ones to the bulk foods cheap ones. I love all your sweet and salty and tangy twists. -R

Dear garlic bread pizza, I love you. You taste better than your cousin, plain degornio pizza. I want to marry you. Love, rachel