Dear food

Dear Wheat, corn, dairy, oatmeal, potato, tomato, spices, sugar (and every thing nice)

I hate you.
You make me feel sick. You give me migraines. You make me tired and ache. Or you did in 2003 to 2006. It's been since Mark's pregnancy and I had to drop the diet to save my gallbladder that I welcomed you back into my life.

Now that my health is settling down, I think you it make a difference to break up. And this damn migraines, I realize the usually helpful med had side effects I can't tolerate. Very unsettling. So I'd rather not tolerate being around you.

So here I go. Starting upon waking tomorrow, I will no longer eat you. And for the next 3 days I will crave you to the point of anger. I will dream about you. And just when I'm happy and healthier, day 10 will have me wanting you again.

Even once I've rid my body of you for this deep, strict elimination portion of my diet (in 3 weeks or more), I will hate you at every party, every holiday, every gathering, every dropped off treat, every family meal, every food advertisement, every birthday.

But I've enjoyed normal foods long enough. It makes me cry to remember starving and the painful mealtimes until 6 months after my gallbladder surgery, but I can't keep eating you to make up for the lost time.

So please, it's not me, it's you. You are bad for so many reasons, yet you force yourselves into my belly. Please quit stalking me.

Love,
Rachel.

Dear 98.4 FM seattle

I love what comes into my ears. I love how you wakes me up and gets me moving. I love how you play all day and night that great club style beat. I could do without the songs about tempting guys into bed and how you're killing yourself at ten because of I don't know what. I changed stations and really only understood half of that teenage dialect

Despitethose rare lunch time songs
, I keep coming to you and I want to share you with everyone. And I can! Its online, streaming live from some high school here. Bing it!

Oh 98.4, thanks for being my rock (beat.)

Love Rachel


Sent from my Windows Mobile Phone

Dear teletubbies

I love you. I want to kiss your sweet bellies.

After all these years, or two, I still remember your names.
Po is red with a circle thing
LaLa is yellow with a curly thing
Dipsy is green with a straight thing
Tinky winky is purple with a triangle thing (yes I think you are gay)

And I did this all at a doc office days after seeing one episode


With child number one, I wished evil rashes upon all those who wore the costumes.

I used your cult like toddler following to my advantage with my second child. Your theme song that was burned into my brain came in handy later. It came to mind when I soothed a wiggly child thru another kidney ultrasound. It worked.

5 years later when number 3 came along, I watched a 5 and 7 year old protest that they were too old to watch you, yet they couldn't turn away. We recorded your episodes by then and turned them into a dvd. It was a baby tranquilizer when I had doctor appt. I enjoy watching you belly tv from all over the world. It was like traveling from my couch. A reminder that I'm not the only mom like me.

By this time I memorized your names and even borrowed a LaLa (the red one) costume to dress her in for halloween. The photo is on my wall. And we watched on, eager for fresh episodes.

Slowly those episodes were recorded over when number 3 outgrew you and as number 4 came along. I missed a lot of firsts with him. Because the kids only watched recorded tv, he never saw them.

So last week something triggered the need to induct my son. I found that old dvd. I watched my 4th, and last, giggle and wave and talk to the sun. I saw him recognize the green hill as a house and ask for it to be opened.

I watched him point to bunnies. I saw him giggle and move while you danced a silly dance. You would love his silly elbow dance.
And I am happy to know I was here for this first that really was important to me. I'm more in love with you today than ever before.

Once again, I'm sorry I teased you and wished horrible things upon you!
Only Love and awe(i promise),
Rachel


Sent from my Windows Mobile Phone

Dear Teletubbies,

today is my first day watching you.
I am appalled, a bit disturbed, and amazed at what your show contains.

To start, there is a sun, made of a baby head.
That's OK , I guess....but odd that it blankly stares in no particular direction, even in the short time you see it.
This followed by some children feeding chickens, introducing a vacuum that talks in sucking sounds, and a complication over spilling 'tubby pudding' on one character's seat. How was this issue resolved? By first shoving characters out of their sit, in order to sit in theirs, and then singing a song, which uniquely had the lyrics 'No where to sit' repeated 4 times. Creative. Little did you guys know, that this was the cue for the vacuum to come clean the seat. Then the problem of being in the wrong seats wrapped up the show. How much the children learn!

Let's not even talk about the voices. Really? What ARE you saying? Whoever made your voices teletubbies, should be hurt. Hurt in a way most people shouldn't be. Slowly, with sharp pointy things, until there are tears.

No bitterness or anger here. Just amazed at the franchise....at the content of it....

Thoroughly confused and feeling more stupid due to the time lost in watching,
-Julie